Artichokes with lemon aioli

Do this for the artichokes, OK, people?
They are a wondrous vegetable when, made properly, are fantastically delicious and great.
And if I ever hear of someone trying to pawn off a "2 minute artichoke" again, I'm going to lose it. 

Because properly made artichokes require more than two stupid inadequate minutes. And a nice dip. And a good-sized area for fast discards. And absorbent napkins.

How to make a proper artichoke, already.

Recipe by me.

Ingredients
1 artichoke per person, trimmed/stems cut/halved
3-4 cloves of garlic
1 lemon, halved
Salt

For the sauce
Juice from 1/2 lemon
1/3 c butter, melted
1/4 c mayo
1-2 T garlic salt
Fresh chopped parsley
Fresh ground pepper
Salt

To make
Procure your artichokes by whatever means necessary. If it means taking a weekend trip out of town to buy them fresh from the farm, so be it. If you can pick them from your backyard farm, even better.

Start a big pot of water to boil - include in said pot: a good amount of kosher salt (something in the 3+ T category), your halved lemon and your garlic cloves. Cover.

While your water is working on boiling, trim your artichokes. This is where the Art in Artichokes comes from:

1. Trim the stem to about 1/2 inch below the base of the choke. If you want to wear an outfit to match your dinner, go right ahead. I won't, um, judge you or anything.

2. Using a strong serrated knife, cut off the top of the choke at the fattest point on the thing.

3. Admire the thorns. They are massive. Handle carefully.

4. Then take your kitchen shears and snip all remaining thorns off the leaves. You don't want to stab yourself in the lip with one of these. It's, um, painful I'VE HEARD.

5. Set your choke flat side down against the cutting board and cut in half across the stem.

6. Throw all your chokes in the boiling water. Cover. Turn heat to medium, or just make sure to keep at a rolling boil.

7. Start the sauce. With your chokes boiling away, gather all your sauce ingredients and get this thing going. It only takes a minute and helps to justify having herbs in a vase on your counter rather than proper flowers like a normal person.

8. Melt your butter in a heat proof bowl.

9. Using your whisk, scoop out a solid whiskfull of mayo. Add it to the butter and whisk to your heart's content.

10. Use one of those lemon hairnets to cover your cut lemon or just squeeze into a strainer positioned on top of the bowl to keep the seeds out. You can also pick out the seeds after they land in the bowl, but why? It takes forever and they're all slimy. Squeeze away, right into the bowl.

12. After whisking in your seed and pulp-free lemon juice (so worth it!), chop up some parsley.

13. Whisk your parsley into the sauce, with some nice fresh ground black pepper and the garlic salt.

14. Chill your dip while you go back to check on the artichokes.

15. Here's where things get important: You must allow them to boil until you can easily pluck off a leaf from the middle of the leaves. Don't go settling for a leaf you can drag off the bottom there, because those cook through faster and, if you do this, you'll be punished by way of tough middle leaves.

And you do not want this! I swear it to you!

Another good indicator that the chokes are done is the smell. Much like baked goods and broccoli, I've found, you know you're done because the kitchen will have a noticeable waft to it that will smell pleasantly like artichokes.

16. Remove the artichokes from the pot, squeeze them gently to remove the excess water and set them out with a discard bowl and your chilled dip and invite the neighbors over for a feast.

Store any remaining artichokes on newspaper lined shelves in your fridge for up to a week.